Home Is Where the Heart Is

Home is where the heart is. So the ol’ saying goes anyway. But what does it mean? Certainly our heart is always right here (point to chest,) so does that mean that wherever we are we’re at home? …like one of those maps in a large mall that has an arrow on it that says ‘You are here.’ Maybe it should say ‘You are here’ and therefore you are home? Hardly!

Being ‘home’ is often a place, and yet it is also more than that.

I read the following story recently. It’s from a book called - Radical Acceptance. Marilyn had spent many hours sitting at the bedside of her dying mother –reading to her, praying, meditating, holding her hand, and telling over and over that she loved her. Most of the time her mother remained unconscious, her breath labored and erratic . One morning before dawn, she suddenly opened her eyes and looked clearly at her daughter. ‘You know,” she whispered softly, ‘All my life I thought something was wrong with me.’ She then shook her head slightly, as if to say ‘What a waste.’

Drifting back in to a coma. Several hours later, she passed away. (Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach) The daughter Marilyn took this as a precious gift from her mother, and began a journey toward self-appreciation and acceptance.

So home in this sense is being at home with your self. With who you are – warts and gifts, the whole shebang.

One of my girls has a bit of a temper. Now, of course, we all do when we’re ‘two.’ It’s a hallmark of that age to feel emotionally overwhelmed and have tantrums. There are many ‘interesting’ lessons and challenges for me as a mom. In these moments! But the one I find the most remarkable is how important it is how I respond afterwards. This daughter really needs to show she’s mad when she’s mad. That's clear. (it’s not drama, yet, anyway!) And yet as much as she needs to get mad, she also needs to know she can come back to me when she’s calmer and get a hug. Basically, I think she needs to know she can be who she is, vent if she needs to, and that will not break the love I have for her.

A couple of the times that I have experienced this, I have wondered if what I feel in those moments is also a glimpse of what God feels for us when we stray. My daughter knows that she has pushed me away. She knows her anger may hurt me and that I may also feel angry. And yet what is most palpable is the tenderness of the love I have for her, and her need to feel that is still there. It is not that her actions will be without consequence. Or that I have no expectations for how she should act. It is simply that there is a predominant need for her to feel at home with her mother … crabby and otherwise!

So home in this sense is about relationship. It is about feeling connection, trust, love, and acceptance.

In our gospel this morning the younger of 2 sons is driven from his home by the desire to explore the world and perhaps to learn more about himself. It’s unclear if he learns much during his travels, at least not until the money runs out and he’s forced to take on menial labor just to stay alive. Then, I would argue, he learns and/or remembers that his wild life was not being true to himself, that working alone on the pig farm is not all that there could be for him, and that, in fact, his real ‘home’ would have much more for him, including love and acceptance in good measure.

In this sense, home is about the space called ‘home’ and the people in it.

In their book Stories of the Spirit the authors tell this story – A family went out to a restaurant for dinner. When the waitress arrived, the parents gave their orders. Immediately, their 5 year old daughter piped up on her own: ‘I’ll have a hot dog, French fries and a coke.’ ‘Oh no you won’t,’ said her dad, and turning to the waitress he said – ‘She’ll have meatloaf, mashed potatoes and milk.’ Looking at the child with a smile, the waitress said, ‘So, Hon, what do you want on that hotdog?’ When she left, the family sat stunned and silent. A few moments later the little girl, eyes shining, said, ‘She thinks I’m real.’ (pp.12-13)

In this case, home is about seeing and being seen – authenticity & being valued.

So what is it that makes ‘home’ a home? Is it the building? The people or stuff in it? The connections one has to those outside it? Wholeness within?

Yes, yes, and yes! “Home is where the heart is.”

‘Home’ can mean lots of things. There are lots of ways to be ‘far from home.’ And lots of ways to feel ‘home at last.’ Family, friends, God, a familiar safe place, and our true self… These are all bits of home and returning to them and living life from them are all what it means to be home.

Perhaps Dorothy said it best in the Wizard of Oz when she said, “There’s no place like home!”